Panic

The panic is creeping in. I feel it in my bones, pulsing through my veins. It's the kind of panic that wakes me up at night. I may be over reacting, probably am. But it's how I respond.

School is starting in less than a week, 5 days. Bambam is transitioning into first grade. And we do not have an IEP in place, we have no plan for supports, no 1 to 1 aid. He has not met his teacher or seen his classroom. I have no idea how he is going to make it through a 6 hour day of first grade.

This child who struggles with transitions and change, who struggles to sit for 20 minutes of table work, who cannot follow multiple step directions, who has visual and auditory sensitivities, who struggles just to BE in a classroom, let alone function appropriately and learn. This child who had a 1 to 1 aid in kindergarten and still had to leave the classroom every 20-30 minutes to decompress and regroup. How will he possibly make it through 6 hours of a chaotic first grade class?

I know deep down that his school will take care of him. We are one of the lucky ones with an amazing team who do everything they can to help Bambam reach his potential. They care about him, they enjoy him, they celebrate his talents, they do what they can to alleviate his struggles. They are honesty on his side and we refer to them as "Team Bambam". Even so, I feel unprepared. And that makes me uncertain how to prepare Bambam. And he needs preparation.

Even with preparation and supports in place, first grade is going to be a stretch. I worry daily about this. What will we do if he cannot function through a 6 hour day? Will we need to consider a "self-contained" classroom? This is one of my biggest fears. He learns so much from being around his typical peers, I do not want him isolated. The panic is creeping in.