I am a runner. I am not fast. I struggle with distances. But still, I lace up my shoes and I go out and pound the pavement. That makes me a runner. Anyone who goes out there and puts one foot in front of the other is a runner. As the saying goes "I've never seen a fake runner."
I started running in college. I ran because my roommate did and she invited me along. So, I ran for "girl time". I ran to help alleviate stress. I ran to help clear my head. I ran to make studying easier. I ran to stay in shape as I was no longer involved with competitive sports. I ran so I could eat the pizza (and drink the beer) and still fit in my clothes. And I fell in love with running.
I've been running now for over 25 years. (Holy cow, that is hard to write) I've run numerous 5ks, and 10ks, and my share of half marathons. And I still love it. I love running by other runners and getting the wave, or the smile, or the nod. Runners know what I'm talking about. The running community is like no other. It is full of encouragement and compassion and understanding. I will never forget the time I was running in a very big relay race and a runner from one of the elite teams passed me. As he passed by he said "You're doing great. Keep it up." A guy who could run circles around me took the time to encourage me. It was awesome.
I find encouragement in the elite runners, like most people do. There ability to float across the landscape almost effortlessly with their zero percent body fat machines is awe inspiring. I watch the Ironman every year on TV and then I go pound the pavement that much harder. I realize I will never be them, but I sure like trying.
I am also inspired by the beginner runners. The ones who are not in shape, who don't have zero percent body fat, the ones who don't look like runners. And I want to encourage them. When I'm driving Bambam around and I see an overweight person struggling to run down the street, I want to roll down the window and yell encouragement to them, "You're doing great. Keep it up." But in all honesty, I hesitate. I hesitate because I am afraid they won't think I'm sincere. That maybe I'm teasing them. And that is the last thing I ever want. Its hard to get off that couch and take the first step. But they've done it. And I find that inspirational, just like the elite runners. For different reasons, but inspirational just the same. Everyone who goes out there and puts one foot in front of the other, over and over again, is a runner.
My Side of Typical
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
The Cost of an Education
I took Miracle Boy "school clothes" shopping yesterday. I told him it was probably the last time I would ever buy him school clothes as he leaving for collage. It was just he and I. And we had a great time. We laughed, we talked about some serious topics, he opened up about things. In general, it was awesome. I love spending time with that boy. Ahem, young man.
Waiting for him while he was in a changing room, I struck up a conversation with another mother also waiting. Her daughter, soon to be a sophmore at Johns Hopkins University, was also getting school clothes. We had a nice converasation about where our kids were going to school, what they were studying, and the cost of post secondary education. Her daughter is attending Johns Hopkins, a very prestigious, very expensive school. A school full of "spoiled, ivy league rejects" as she put it. She had a great sence of humor.
In the course of our conversation she indicated that although her daughter received several scholarship offers from other schools, she insisted on going to Johns Hopkins. Johns Hopkins does not award merit scholarships. We learned this when Miracle Boy wanted to attend Stanford. There are no merit scholarships at these schools. Probably because everyone who applies is a great student. So, her husband writes the checks every year totalling $60,000 per year. Thats right folks, $60,000 per year. As in $240,000 for a four year undergraduate degree. Almost a quarter of a million dollars, if she finishes in 4 years.
After our conversation, I started to wonder. Can a 4 year degree really be worth a quarter of a million dollars? Is a degree from a school like Johns Hopkins or Stanford really worth 3 to 4 times what a degree from our local state collage is worth? Will someone who graduated from one of these schools really make that much more money? Be that much more successful? Be that much happier and more satisfied with life? I just can't wrap my brain around it.
Clearly this family could afford to pay $60,000 a year for their daughter's education, or so it seemed. But I started to wonder, would I do it even if I could? I simply do not believe there is that drastic of a difference in the education, or the resulting knowledge or earning potential. I know there are studies on this, I looked briefly. What I found is that there is no consensus. Where one says overwhelming yes, it is worth it. The next says overwhelmingly no. And the numbers cited, about the average incomes of this prestigous group? Well, I was making that income in my prior life. 6 years after graduating from a small, local, private school. (On scholarship, otherwise it would have been the local state school) So, I just can't buy into it. Yes, you may make great connections and contacts. But this is not necessary to be successful or happy.
I ended up with a completely different internal response to the conversation than I thought I would have had. I would have thought that I would have felt bad that we weren't paying more of Miracle Boy's educational cost. That I would have felt guilty that I only gave him $250 for school clothes instead of the $1,000 the other girl was spending. That I was being miserly telling him that we weren't going to fly him home for Thanksgiving, that he wouldn't come home until Christmas.
But surprisingly, that's not how I felt. I honestly felt good about our decisions. When Miracle Boy was born, I started a college fund for him. As the time approached for him to start making some choices, I showed him the balance and told him that is what we were contributing. No more. He needed to make a decision based on what he could afford based on that information. And he did. He's attending a good school out of state that offered him generous scholarships. He worked 2 jobs all summer to make up the difference between the scholarships, what we are giving him, and the remainder for room, board, and books. He's happy with his decision. And more importantly, he's contributing to his own education. To me this is critical.
In this world were we (especially as mothers) second guess many of our decisions, wish we could do more, feel inadequate; it's a nice change to feel good about something for a change.
Waiting for him while he was in a changing room, I struck up a conversation with another mother also waiting. Her daughter, soon to be a sophmore at Johns Hopkins University, was also getting school clothes. We had a nice converasation about where our kids were going to school, what they were studying, and the cost of post secondary education. Her daughter is attending Johns Hopkins, a very prestigious, very expensive school. A school full of "spoiled, ivy league rejects" as she put it. She had a great sence of humor.
In the course of our conversation she indicated that although her daughter received several scholarship offers from other schools, she insisted on going to Johns Hopkins. Johns Hopkins does not award merit scholarships. We learned this when Miracle Boy wanted to attend Stanford. There are no merit scholarships at these schools. Probably because everyone who applies is a great student. So, her husband writes the checks every year totalling $60,000 per year. Thats right folks, $60,000 per year. As in $240,000 for a four year undergraduate degree. Almost a quarter of a million dollars, if she finishes in 4 years.
After our conversation, I started to wonder. Can a 4 year degree really be worth a quarter of a million dollars? Is a degree from a school like Johns Hopkins or Stanford really worth 3 to 4 times what a degree from our local state collage is worth? Will someone who graduated from one of these schools really make that much more money? Be that much more successful? Be that much happier and more satisfied with life? I just can't wrap my brain around it.
Clearly this family could afford to pay $60,000 a year for their daughter's education, or so it seemed. But I started to wonder, would I do it even if I could? I simply do not believe there is that drastic of a difference in the education, or the resulting knowledge or earning potential. I know there are studies on this, I looked briefly. What I found is that there is no consensus. Where one says overwhelming yes, it is worth it. The next says overwhelmingly no. And the numbers cited, about the average incomes of this prestigous group? Well, I was making that income in my prior life. 6 years after graduating from a small, local, private school. (On scholarship, otherwise it would have been the local state school) So, I just can't buy into it. Yes, you may make great connections and contacts. But this is not necessary to be successful or happy.
I ended up with a completely different internal response to the conversation than I thought I would have had. I would have thought that I would have felt bad that we weren't paying more of Miracle Boy's educational cost. That I would have felt guilty that I only gave him $250 for school clothes instead of the $1,000 the other girl was spending. That I was being miserly telling him that we weren't going to fly him home for Thanksgiving, that he wouldn't come home until Christmas.
But surprisingly, that's not how I felt. I honestly felt good about our decisions. When Miracle Boy was born, I started a college fund for him. As the time approached for him to start making some choices, I showed him the balance and told him that is what we were contributing. No more. He needed to make a decision based on what he could afford based on that information. And he did. He's attending a good school out of state that offered him generous scholarships. He worked 2 jobs all summer to make up the difference between the scholarships, what we are giving him, and the remainder for room, board, and books. He's happy with his decision. And more importantly, he's contributing to his own education. To me this is critical.
In this world were we (especially as mothers) second guess many of our decisions, wish we could do more, feel inadequate; it's a nice change to feel good about something for a change.
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
An Alternative Route
Right before school let out for summer, I suggested to Mr. Fixit that we take Bambam to see a "holistic" doctor. My suggestion was met with some mild resistance. Mostly because Bambam sees a whole host of doctors and gets poked and prodded enough. Mr. Fixit really tries to limit Bambam's unnecessary doctor visits. He's very protective of him.
But I was fairly insistent. He finally asked me what my goal was. And I replied that I really wanted help with Bambam's GI issues. Numerous appointments with his developmental pediatrician and the pediatric GI specialist at the children's hospital in the city 2 hours away had resulted in no improvements at all. And I was frustrated. I still had a 7 year old with severe encopresis, lots of pain, no bowel control, and a GI system that was basically a mess. Plus, I wanted to explore causes of his psoriasis. I've always been under the impression (right or wrong) that ALL of Bambam's seemingly unrelated issues are actually all related some how. And it seemed to me that most obviously the GI and psoriasis could be diet related. So I begrudgingly got consent. Not that I really need consent, but I like my partner in crime to be on board with what I'm doing, especially when it relates to our kiddos.
Bambam's Neurological Psychiatrist is a DO, not an MD. As such, he is seemingly more open to alternative ideas. (I know that is a very generalized statement and does not apply to all MD's or DO's) When I approached the subject of taking Bambam to a holistic doctor he not only agreed with the idea, he referred us to someone he highly recommended.
The new doc is an MD, not an ND as more holistic doctors tend to be. She is traditionally trained and practices a combination of traditional and alternative medicine utilizing pharmaceuticals, diet, supplements, acupuncture, etc. At the first appointment, she spent 3 hours with us! 3 full hours. Actually, she spent about 30 minutes examining and talking to Bambam. Then I sent him out to my mom who was waiting in the wings, and she spent an additional 2.5 hours talking with me about everything under the sun related to Bambam. I'd never spent so much time in a doctor's office without testing taking place. At the end of the appointment, she sent us home with a stool sample kit.
One month later we discovered that Bambam had a bacterial staph infection in his gut, his pancreas was not producing enough digestive enzymes, and he had NO probiotics in his gut. 3 weeks after treating the infection, putting him on a digestive enzyme supplement, and high dosage probiotics; that kid was pooping in the potty. A week later he was rarely having accidents or "leakage" as its known in the encopresis world. Since starting this new protocol, he has not once woken up in the middle of the night in pain. And I am shocked.
I'm shocked that it was seemingly this easy. Now, I don't discount the fact that maybe this is all coincidental. But I really don't really think so. The change was immediate, drastic, and overwhelmingly complete. Even Mr. Fixit, who was a strong doubter in anything "alternative", attributes the changes to the new protocol. And, if we had any lingering doubts, they were put to rest last week.
Bambam takes a lunch from home to day camp. Hidden in his sandwich are the digestive enzymes he must take with each meal. Since he won't swallow a capsule, we open it and sprinkle the contents into his food. Last Tuesday, he wanted the hot lunch provided by the camp and they let him have it. Wow. For the next 24 hours it was total chaos complete with pain and uncontrolled bowels.
I have 2 theories about the drastic reaction to the hot lunch. First, he did not get his digestive enzymes. And second, the hot lunch was full of fat, sugar, white flour, preservative, dyes, etc that we do not give to Bambam. And his digestive system revolted. Completely. But, after 24 hours of eating normally (for him) and being back on the protocol, he was back to his new self. (And the camp counselors now know that he MUST eat his lunch from home. NO EXCEPTIONS). And, no more doubts.
I'm also shocked that none of this was ever discovered or even explored in the many previous doctor's appointments over the past 7 years. Seriously, it was a fairly simple, 3 day stool test. Why wasn't this done 3 or 4 years ago when I began asking repeatedly about his constant constipation? Or even 5 or 6 years ago when Bambam was waking up screaming in pain several nights a week? Or 7 years ago when we were dealing with the worst reflux any baby has ever had in the history of ever? And I'm not kidding. At least half of everything that baby ate came back up and out. I smelled like baby puke for 2 years. It permeated my skin, not even showers could get rid of it.
My child has suffered for over 7 years with what seemingly should have easily been treated years ago. Instead, we were given Prilosec for the reflux, told to put a heating pad on his belly for the pain, and given Miralax for the constipation. All to treat the symptoms, never looking for the cause. Shouldn't we all have done better? As his mother, I'm struggling with some guilt over this.
I'm not really sure how to end this post. I'm not sure anymore where I fall on the traditional vs. holistic medical approach. But, I will be taking up the holisitic doctor on her suggestion to explore some of Bambam's other symptoms. At this point I'm willing to give her another try. After all, the last time she hit it out of the park. She is now a permanent member of Bambam's Team.
But I was fairly insistent. He finally asked me what my goal was. And I replied that I really wanted help with Bambam's GI issues. Numerous appointments with his developmental pediatrician and the pediatric GI specialist at the children's hospital in the city 2 hours away had resulted in no improvements at all. And I was frustrated. I still had a 7 year old with severe encopresis, lots of pain, no bowel control, and a GI system that was basically a mess. Plus, I wanted to explore causes of his psoriasis. I've always been under the impression (right or wrong) that ALL of Bambam's seemingly unrelated issues are actually all related some how. And it seemed to me that most obviously the GI and psoriasis could be diet related. So I begrudgingly got consent. Not that I really need consent, but I like my partner in crime to be on board with what I'm doing, especially when it relates to our kiddos.
Bambam's Neurological Psychiatrist is a DO, not an MD. As such, he is seemingly more open to alternative ideas. (I know that is a very generalized statement and does not apply to all MD's or DO's) When I approached the subject of taking Bambam to a holistic doctor he not only agreed with the idea, he referred us to someone he highly recommended.
The new doc is an MD, not an ND as more holistic doctors tend to be. She is traditionally trained and practices a combination of traditional and alternative medicine utilizing pharmaceuticals, diet, supplements, acupuncture, etc. At the first appointment, she spent 3 hours with us! 3 full hours. Actually, she spent about 30 minutes examining and talking to Bambam. Then I sent him out to my mom who was waiting in the wings, and she spent an additional 2.5 hours talking with me about everything under the sun related to Bambam. I'd never spent so much time in a doctor's office without testing taking place. At the end of the appointment, she sent us home with a stool sample kit.
One month later we discovered that Bambam had a bacterial staph infection in his gut, his pancreas was not producing enough digestive enzymes, and he had NO probiotics in his gut. 3 weeks after treating the infection, putting him on a digestive enzyme supplement, and high dosage probiotics; that kid was pooping in the potty. A week later he was rarely having accidents or "leakage" as its known in the encopresis world. Since starting this new protocol, he has not once woken up in the middle of the night in pain. And I am shocked.
I'm shocked that it was seemingly this easy. Now, I don't discount the fact that maybe this is all coincidental. But I really don't really think so. The change was immediate, drastic, and overwhelmingly complete. Even Mr. Fixit, who was a strong doubter in anything "alternative", attributes the changes to the new protocol. And, if we had any lingering doubts, they were put to rest last week.
Bambam takes a lunch from home to day camp. Hidden in his sandwich are the digestive enzymes he must take with each meal. Since he won't swallow a capsule, we open it and sprinkle the contents into his food. Last Tuesday, he wanted the hot lunch provided by the camp and they let him have it. Wow. For the next 24 hours it was total chaos complete with pain and uncontrolled bowels.
I have 2 theories about the drastic reaction to the hot lunch. First, he did not get his digestive enzymes. And second, the hot lunch was full of fat, sugar, white flour, preservative, dyes, etc that we do not give to Bambam. And his digestive system revolted. Completely. But, after 24 hours of eating normally (for him) and being back on the protocol, he was back to his new self. (And the camp counselors now know that he MUST eat his lunch from home. NO EXCEPTIONS). And, no more doubts.
I'm also shocked that none of this was ever discovered or even explored in the many previous doctor's appointments over the past 7 years. Seriously, it was a fairly simple, 3 day stool test. Why wasn't this done 3 or 4 years ago when I began asking repeatedly about his constant constipation? Or even 5 or 6 years ago when Bambam was waking up screaming in pain several nights a week? Or 7 years ago when we were dealing with the worst reflux any baby has ever had in the history of ever? And I'm not kidding. At least half of everything that baby ate came back up and out. I smelled like baby puke for 2 years. It permeated my skin, not even showers could get rid of it.
My child has suffered for over 7 years with what seemingly should have easily been treated years ago. Instead, we were given Prilosec for the reflux, told to put a heating pad on his belly for the pain, and given Miralax for the constipation. All to treat the symptoms, never looking for the cause. Shouldn't we all have done better? As his mother, I'm struggling with some guilt over this.
I'm not really sure how to end this post. I'm not sure anymore where I fall on the traditional vs. holistic medical approach. But, I will be taking up the holisitic doctor on her suggestion to explore some of Bambam's other symptoms. At this point I'm willing to give her another try. After all, the last time she hit it out of the park. She is now a permanent member of Bambam's Team.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Relief....and an inappropirate reflex laugh
Bambam has been a rockstar this summer. Seriously. He's accomplished many things and reached some major developmental milestones that we were starting to think that he would never reach. One of them being attending a typical day camp with his peers. Yes, he had some extra supports in place, but he's surrounded by his typical peers (whom he learns so much from, good and bad) and he's getting to experience things that his brothers did and enjoyed so much. Its been awesome.
But, when I got a call from the day camp counselor last week, I was immediately nervous. Especially when her conversation started with "there was an incident with a rock today".
Now, let me back up just a bit. One of Bambamb's things is that when he's done with something, he throws it. No matter what it is. Not maliciously, and not really aiming at anyone, just sort of throws it aside. We've tried and tried to teach him to set things down nicely, or (gasp) even put them away. But to no avail. He simply throws them aside. And he's strong, and he doesn't necessarily look where he's throwing. In our house, everyone has developed quick reflexes out of necessity.
So when the counselor said there was an incident with a rock, of course my first thought was that he had picked up a rock and when he was done with it he threw it and it hit someone. My heart sank. Our conversation went something like this:
Counselor: There was an incident with a rock today. An...
Me: (interupting) I'm sor..
Counselor: (continuing) Another kid threw a rock and it hit Bambam in the head.
Me: Oh thank goodness!
Counselor: stunned silence
Me: laughing
Counselor: more stunned silence, probably thinking I'm insane
I was so relieved that Bambam hadn't hurt another kid. The laugh was probably inappropriate, but is was a relfex. And seriously, after 3 boys if it doesn't involve blood, guts, or vomit; I'm sure he is fine. Perhaps I should add broken bones to that list....we've done that on several occasions too.
But, when I got a call from the day camp counselor last week, I was immediately nervous. Especially when her conversation started with "there was an incident with a rock today".
Now, let me back up just a bit. One of Bambamb's things is that when he's done with something, he throws it. No matter what it is. Not maliciously, and not really aiming at anyone, just sort of throws it aside. We've tried and tried to teach him to set things down nicely, or (gasp) even put them away. But to no avail. He simply throws them aside. And he's strong, and he doesn't necessarily look where he's throwing. In our house, everyone has developed quick reflexes out of necessity.
So when the counselor said there was an incident with a rock, of course my first thought was that he had picked up a rock and when he was done with it he threw it and it hit someone. My heart sank. Our conversation went something like this:
Counselor: There was an incident with a rock today. An...
Me: (interupting) I'm sor..
Counselor: (continuing) Another kid threw a rock and it hit Bambam in the head.
Me: Oh thank goodness!
Counselor: stunned silence
Me: laughing
Counselor: more stunned silence, probably thinking I'm insane
I was so relieved that Bambam hadn't hurt another kid. The laugh was probably inappropriate, but is was a relfex. And seriously, after 3 boys if it doesn't involve blood, guts, or vomit; I'm sure he is fine. Perhaps I should add broken bones to that list....we've done that on several occasions too.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Faith
"What ever God you believe in, we all come from the same one"
That is a lyric from Mackelmore's song Same Love. Now, don't go thinking I'm so hip and cool that I listen to rap. I'm a 40 something, mother of 3. I don't have time to listen to rap. But my teenagers do. And sometimes, they will come to me with a song and want me to listen to the lyrics. This is one such song. And I love this lyric.
When I was growing up, I was trotted off to church every Sunday with my family. My dad had attended Seminary. We had bookshelf after bookshelf of bibles and books about the bible in our house. And although he wasn't a full time pastor, he was a certified lay speaker and gave plenty of sermons. My siblings and I spent our youth attending vacation bible school, church camp, youth group, we all went through Confirmation. It was a family affair.
But, and this is a pretty big but, religion was never "crammed down our throats". What was important to our parents was that we have faith. And to them faith was different than religion. As they had learned in their lives, faith can get you though many things in life and it was important to them that we have that.
I remember as a teenager showing interest in a different church, one my best friend attended. My parents were very open to the idea. As my dad said, "as far as I'm concerned, we are all worshiping the same God. Find a church that makes you comfortable and helps your faith to grow." He had no interest in forcing us to go to his church, or adopt his doctrines. What he wanted was for us to have faith. How we defined that, chose to show that, to worship; well that was entirely up to us.
When I heard this lyric in Mackelmore's song, it reminded me so much of my dad. My dad, who now at age 80, is lost to Alzheimer's. As far as I'm concerned, he was a brilliant man. He was open and tolerant, accepting and loving. He was years ahead of his time. I love you daddy, and I miss you.
That is a lyric from Mackelmore's song Same Love. Now, don't go thinking I'm so hip and cool that I listen to rap. I'm a 40 something, mother of 3. I don't have time to listen to rap. But my teenagers do. And sometimes, they will come to me with a song and want me to listen to the lyrics. This is one such song. And I love this lyric.
When I was growing up, I was trotted off to church every Sunday with my family. My dad had attended Seminary. We had bookshelf after bookshelf of bibles and books about the bible in our house. And although he wasn't a full time pastor, he was a certified lay speaker and gave plenty of sermons. My siblings and I spent our youth attending vacation bible school, church camp, youth group, we all went through Confirmation. It was a family affair.
But, and this is a pretty big but, religion was never "crammed down our throats". What was important to our parents was that we have faith. And to them faith was different than religion. As they had learned in their lives, faith can get you though many things in life and it was important to them that we have that.
I remember as a teenager showing interest in a different church, one my best friend attended. My parents were very open to the idea. As my dad said, "as far as I'm concerned, we are all worshiping the same God. Find a church that makes you comfortable and helps your faith to grow." He had no interest in forcing us to go to his church, or adopt his doctrines. What he wanted was for us to have faith. How we defined that, chose to show that, to worship; well that was entirely up to us.
When I heard this lyric in Mackelmore's song, it reminded me so much of my dad. My dad, who now at age 80, is lost to Alzheimer's. As far as I'm concerned, he was a brilliant man. He was open and tolerant, accepting and loving. He was years ahead of his time. I love you daddy, and I miss you.
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