As a mother, I do not have a favorite. I love all my kids. But I am willing to admit that I love them all differently. They are each individuals, different and unique. What I give them, what they need from me, and what they give in return are completely different for each one. This may be due to the fact that we are a unique family. We are not the typical intact family with 2 or 3 typical kids raised from birth. We are a blended family. And a special needs family. All of these things play a role in my relationship with each of my kids.
Miracle Boy and I have a special bond. A bond different than that of the other 2 kids. Not better, or stronger, just different. He and I were alone for 7 years. Yes, Mr. Fixit and I started dating when he was 3, but we didn't reside in the same household until he was 7. During those 7 years, Miracle Boy was my right hand guy. We did everything together. When I went running, he rode his bike along side me. When I painted a room, he "helped" paint; then played with his toys and kept me company. He went grocery shopping with me, learned to mow a yard at a young age, helped decide where we would go on vacation, accompanied me when I went car shopping or looked for a house to buy. His opinion was always considered (although not always deemed correct). Right or wrong, we were in this thing called life together.
And so, when I went with Miracle Boy to get him settled in college, I went with a heavy heart. That child (young adult, but always a child to me) is a part of me. A very special, very huge part. He is my first bird to leave the nest. Watching him fly is both breath taking and heart breaking at the same time.
I left a piece of my heart in Arizona.
My Side of Typical
Showing posts with label college. Show all posts
Showing posts with label college. Show all posts
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
The Cost of an Education
I took Miracle Boy "school clothes" shopping yesterday. I told him it was probably the last time I would ever buy him school clothes as he leaving for collage. It was just he and I. And we had a great time. We laughed, we talked about some serious topics, he opened up about things. In general, it was awesome. I love spending time with that boy. Ahem, young man.
Waiting for him while he was in a changing room, I struck up a conversation with another mother also waiting. Her daughter, soon to be a sophmore at Johns Hopkins University, was also getting school clothes. We had a nice converasation about where our kids were going to school, what they were studying, and the cost of post secondary education. Her daughter is attending Johns Hopkins, a very prestigious, very expensive school. A school full of "spoiled, ivy league rejects" as she put it. She had a great sence of humor.
In the course of our conversation she indicated that although her daughter received several scholarship offers from other schools, she insisted on going to Johns Hopkins. Johns Hopkins does not award merit scholarships. We learned this when Miracle Boy wanted to attend Stanford. There are no merit scholarships at these schools. Probably because everyone who applies is a great student. So, her husband writes the checks every year totalling $60,000 per year. Thats right folks, $60,000 per year. As in $240,000 for a four year undergraduate degree. Almost a quarter of a million dollars, if she finishes in 4 years.
After our conversation, I started to wonder. Can a 4 year degree really be worth a quarter of a million dollars? Is a degree from a school like Johns Hopkins or Stanford really worth 3 to 4 times what a degree from our local state collage is worth? Will someone who graduated from one of these schools really make that much more money? Be that much more successful? Be that much happier and more satisfied with life? I just can't wrap my brain around it.
Clearly this family could afford to pay $60,000 a year for their daughter's education, or so it seemed. But I started to wonder, would I do it even if I could? I simply do not believe there is that drastic of a difference in the education, or the resulting knowledge or earning potential. I know there are studies on this, I looked briefly. What I found is that there is no consensus. Where one says overwhelming yes, it is worth it. The next says overwhelmingly no. And the numbers cited, about the average incomes of this prestigous group? Well, I was making that income in my prior life. 6 years after graduating from a small, local, private school. (On scholarship, otherwise it would have been the local state school) So, I just can't buy into it. Yes, you may make great connections and contacts. But this is not necessary to be successful or happy.
I ended up with a completely different internal response to the conversation than I thought I would have had. I would have thought that I would have felt bad that we weren't paying more of Miracle Boy's educational cost. That I would have felt guilty that I only gave him $250 for school clothes instead of the $1,000 the other girl was spending. That I was being miserly telling him that we weren't going to fly him home for Thanksgiving, that he wouldn't come home until Christmas.
But surprisingly, that's not how I felt. I honestly felt good about our decisions. When Miracle Boy was born, I started a college fund for him. As the time approached for him to start making some choices, I showed him the balance and told him that is what we were contributing. No more. He needed to make a decision based on what he could afford based on that information. And he did. He's attending a good school out of state that offered him generous scholarships. He worked 2 jobs all summer to make up the difference between the scholarships, what we are giving him, and the remainder for room, board, and books. He's happy with his decision. And more importantly, he's contributing to his own education. To me this is critical.
In this world were we (especially as mothers) second guess many of our decisions, wish we could do more, feel inadequate; it's a nice change to feel good about something for a change.
Waiting for him while he was in a changing room, I struck up a conversation with another mother also waiting. Her daughter, soon to be a sophmore at Johns Hopkins University, was also getting school clothes. We had a nice converasation about where our kids were going to school, what they were studying, and the cost of post secondary education. Her daughter is attending Johns Hopkins, a very prestigious, very expensive school. A school full of "spoiled, ivy league rejects" as she put it. She had a great sence of humor.
In the course of our conversation she indicated that although her daughter received several scholarship offers from other schools, she insisted on going to Johns Hopkins. Johns Hopkins does not award merit scholarships. We learned this when Miracle Boy wanted to attend Stanford. There are no merit scholarships at these schools. Probably because everyone who applies is a great student. So, her husband writes the checks every year totalling $60,000 per year. Thats right folks, $60,000 per year. As in $240,000 for a four year undergraduate degree. Almost a quarter of a million dollars, if she finishes in 4 years.
After our conversation, I started to wonder. Can a 4 year degree really be worth a quarter of a million dollars? Is a degree from a school like Johns Hopkins or Stanford really worth 3 to 4 times what a degree from our local state collage is worth? Will someone who graduated from one of these schools really make that much more money? Be that much more successful? Be that much happier and more satisfied with life? I just can't wrap my brain around it.
Clearly this family could afford to pay $60,000 a year for their daughter's education, or so it seemed. But I started to wonder, would I do it even if I could? I simply do not believe there is that drastic of a difference in the education, or the resulting knowledge or earning potential. I know there are studies on this, I looked briefly. What I found is that there is no consensus. Where one says overwhelming yes, it is worth it. The next says overwhelmingly no. And the numbers cited, about the average incomes of this prestigous group? Well, I was making that income in my prior life. 6 years after graduating from a small, local, private school. (On scholarship, otherwise it would have been the local state school) So, I just can't buy into it. Yes, you may make great connections and contacts. But this is not necessary to be successful or happy.
I ended up with a completely different internal response to the conversation than I thought I would have had. I would have thought that I would have felt bad that we weren't paying more of Miracle Boy's educational cost. That I would have felt guilty that I only gave him $250 for school clothes instead of the $1,000 the other girl was spending. That I was being miserly telling him that we weren't going to fly him home for Thanksgiving, that he wouldn't come home until Christmas.
But surprisingly, that's not how I felt. I honestly felt good about our decisions. When Miracle Boy was born, I started a college fund for him. As the time approached for him to start making some choices, I showed him the balance and told him that is what we were contributing. No more. He needed to make a decision based on what he could afford based on that information. And he did. He's attending a good school out of state that offered him generous scholarships. He worked 2 jobs all summer to make up the difference between the scholarships, what we are giving him, and the remainder for room, board, and books. He's happy with his decision. And more importantly, he's contributing to his own education. To me this is critical.
In this world were we (especially as mothers) second guess many of our decisions, wish we could do more, feel inadequate; it's a nice change to feel good about something for a change.
Monday, June 24, 2013
Arizona Bound
Miracle Boy is off to Arizona in August. I can hardly believe it. My baby is going off to college in 3 short months. I'm so damn proud of him.
University of Arizona was his first choice. But, being out of state, it was not necessarily my first choice. Distance and cost were my concerns. Out of state tuition is rediculous! 3 times in state tuition in this case.
But Miracle Boy pulled it off. He received 2 scholarships and 1 academic award from Arizona. Enough to bring the costs within a couple thousand of attending the local in state university. It means he will have to take a small student loan. But its what he really wants; and we will honor his decision. Even Mr. Fixit, who is always bottom line conscious, agreed that this was the right choice.
This is such a big step. And I've been so excited for him. And then we went online and paid the registration fee. And the panic hit. It was so unexpected, it really through me off, this feeling of terror. He'll be several states away. Basically on his own. We're not just a quick car ride away. I hope he's ready.
University of Arizona was his first choice. But, being out of state, it was not necessarily my first choice. Distance and cost were my concerns. Out of state tuition is rediculous! 3 times in state tuition in this case.
But Miracle Boy pulled it off. He received 2 scholarships and 1 academic award from Arizona. Enough to bring the costs within a couple thousand of attending the local in state university. It means he will have to take a small student loan. But its what he really wants; and we will honor his decision. Even Mr. Fixit, who is always bottom line conscious, agreed that this was the right choice.
This is such a big step. And I've been so excited for him. And then we went online and paid the registration fee. And the panic hit. It was so unexpected, it really through me off, this feeling of terror. He'll be several states away. Basically on his own. We're not just a quick car ride away. I hope he's ready.
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