Hugs and Loves

For years, Bambam has greeted me first thing in the morning by asking for a hug. I'm not sure when this started, it must have been somewhere around 3 years of age when he began using words. Every morning He comes downstairs with arms stretched out saying "hug". Bambam is a sensory seeker. Deep pressure calms him. I think this is his way of grounding himself before the onslaught of the day starts. And of course I comply. Because what mom doesn't want to start the day with a big squeeze. It is awesome.

For the past 4 years, everytime I get my morning squeeze, I say "I love you". And for years it was answered by complete silence. And then, as words came for him, he would respond with "I like you". But he never said the word love. I often wondered why. I'm sure he could pronounce it, he says much harder words. My (probably flawed) reasoning is because he didn't understand the abstract meaning and how to apply it. The word like is used much more frequently in our everyday language. I like toys, I like playing, I like brother, etc. But love is not used as often. So it is harder for him to learn how to use it.

And then one day a couple of weeks ago when I said "I love you" during our morning squeeze, he looked at me and said, "I love planes". Progress! I was so excited as I also recognized that every autism parent needs to have thick skin and not be offended easily. I mean really, who wants to hear "I love planes" in response to telling them "I love you"? Well, I do as it means progress. He does love planes, he was learning how to use the word love.

This morning during our morning squeeze, I must have been a little distracted as my "I love you" was delayed. And I was rewarded by my little man saying "I love you". And I cried.

My 7 year old son said "I love you" for the first time ever today. 

Best. Day. Ever.

A Piece of My Heart

As a mother, I do not have a favorite. I love all my kids. But I am willing to admit that I love them all differently. They are each individuals, different and unique. What I give them, what they need from me, and what they give in return are completely different for each one. This may be due to the fact that we are a unique family. We are not the typical intact family with 2 or 3 typical kids raised from birth. We are a blended family. And a special needs family. All of these things play a role in my relationship with each of my kids.

Miracle Boy and I have a special bond. A bond different than that of the other 2 kids. Not better, or stronger, just different. He and I were alone for 7 years. Yes, Mr. Fixit and I started dating when he was 3, but we didn't reside in the same household until he was 7. During those 7 years, Miracle Boy was my right hand guy. We did everything together. When I went running, he rode his bike along side me. When I painted a room, he "helped" paint; then played with his toys and kept me company. He went grocery shopping with me, learned to mow a yard at a young age, helped decide where we would go on vacation, accompanied me when I went car shopping or looked for a house to buy. His opinion was always considered (although not always deemed correct). Right or wrong, we were in this thing called life together.

And so, when I went with Miracle Boy to get him settled in college, I went with a heavy heart. That child (young adult, but always a child to me) is a part of me. A very special, very huge part. He is my first bird to leave the nest. Watching him fly is both breath taking and heart breaking at the same time. 

I left a piece of my heart in Arizona.

Pickles, Pears, and Pretzels

Bambam struggles with language. For him it is not intuitive, it simply does not come naturally. He had no real words until age 3, sentences until age 5. He works so hard for the words and conversation he does have, but sometimes it just doesn't come out quite right. The other day I bought pretzel snacks in the shapes of the Disney "Planes" characters. Major score as airplanes are one of Bambam's obsessions. On the drive home from the fun house yesterday, this conversation took place:

Bambam: I want pickles.
Me: Pickels? I don't have pickles.
Bambam: I want pears.
Me: OK, here are your pears.
Bambam: I don't want pears.
Me: OK.
Bambam: I want pickles.
Me: I don't have pickles, I have pears.
Bambam: I DON'T WANT PEARS! (pause) I want...I want the "Dusty" snacks.
(Dusty is the lead character in the Disney "Planes" movie)
Me: Great job finding a way to tell me what you want! Do you remember what they are called? They are not pickles, they are ...
Bambam: (long pause) Pretzels!

Its a very fine line between helping him slow down and find the right word and watching him become a frustrated puddle of little boy. Sometimes we fall on the good side of that line. Yesterday was a good day.