What Happened to Common Sense?

I've had a couple of experiences lately that have made me wonder what has happened to common sense. I understand rules and the need for them. In fact, for the most part I'm all about following the rules. Not doing so gives me anxiety. But, having an autistic son has also made me realize there are times when common sense must trump the rules. At least when it's ethical, moral, and legal to do so. I have my limits to breaking the rules.

Recently Mr. Fixit brought a new pair of sandals home for Bambam. That child is harder on shoes than any kid I've ever known. He goes through 5 pairs of tennis shoes every year, 2-3 sandals every summer, and countless water shoes for the pool. And he has bad feet so no synthetic materials, must have Velcro, yadah, yadah, yadah. We need a separate fund just to keep the child in shoes. But that is a different post. Bambam loved the sandals and they fit, success! However, the very first time he wore them, the strap broke. Now I'm the first to admit that he's hard on shoes, but the first time? That is unacceptable. Insert into my busy day a stop at the store to exchange them.

Off to the store I go, Bambam in tow. Anyone with a  kid on the spectrum knows that shopping with them is interesting at best, traumatic at worst. The lady at the counter is quick to inform me that without a receipt I cannot get a refund. OK, I don't want a refund. I want sandals for my kid. She takes us back to the clearance section (it is mid August) where they have a 2, 5, and 6 left. He wears a 2, awesome. She takes them out of the box and stands there while I try them on him. They fit, he likes them, no meltdowns while trying them on, success! I'm thinking this is a great trip to the store.

Then I follow her back to the checkout where she informs me that I have to take the sandals off Bambam so she can verify they are the same size and then I can put them back on. At which point Bambam starts crying and shouting "no shoes off, no shoes off". He's hypersensitive about his feet and he's quickly melting down. All I want to do is pay the difference and get him out of the store as soon as possible. So I say, "The only sizes back there were a 2, a 5, and a 6. It's clear he doesn't have a 2 and a 5, or a 2 and a 6, you could see the size difference.  And you handed me the shoes from the box. Can you make an exception please?" To which she replied, "It's the rule, you have to take the sandals off so I can check the sizes." Really? What happened to common sense? At this point if I try to take those sandals off, he will start kicking. I've been kicked too many times. 

I'm standing there not really sure what to do. What I want to say is, "Lady, I am not taking those sandals off. If you want to do it, you have my blessing. Go for it." But I bite my tongue. Many thoughts run through my head at the speed of light. One is to tell her he is autistic. To her I'm sure he looks like a spoiled 8 year old having a tantrum. He has no outward appearance of being different or special needs. But he's a 6 year old autistic child who is now in the full throws of a meltdown. This will not get better until I get him out of the store. So I have to make a decision, tell her or not. I struggle with this one constantly.

I do not like to wave the autism flag like a free pass. And I REALLY do not like to do it in front of him. Who knows what he comprehends from that. I don't ever want him to feel damaged or sub-par, or to use the autism as an excuse for not trying his hardest. We really work with Bambam to act appropriately and try to provide the supports he needs to do so. But there comes a time when we must cut our losses and run for the hills, regroup, and try again next time. We had passed that point 10 minutes ago.

I honestly do not know how the situation was resolved. I know I did not take the shoes off, I paid the extra $1.19 and we left the store as quickly as possible. But with a 6 year old screaming at my side, I do not know what she or the manager (who had miraculously appeared) said to me. All I heard was "no shoes off, no shoes off".  This was not our finest hour.

Now, in reflecting on this whole scenario, I'm still wondering what happened to common sense. And what I could have done better.