Dear Couple...

Dear couple standing behind us in line at the grocery store, 

I'm sure you are usually very nice, polite, and respectful people. But not always.

We could hear you. I can assure that while you were whispering about my poor parenting and his bad behavior and maybe there is something wrong with him, that there is nothing wrong with my son's hearing. If I heard you, I can guarantee he did too. His hearing is 10 times better than mine. He can hear a hushed conversation in the next room through a closed door. Yes, he heard you talking about him. 

And the pointing and furtive glances were a little obvious. 

I realize his behavior is different. It can be almost unbearable on the bad days. A meltdown from sensory overload in the middle of a grocery store is not fun for anyone. In the entire store. But today was not a bad day. Today was actually a pretty good day. I would even consider it a win. 

You see, he did his very best to keep it together while we stopped at the grocery store for a couple of needed items on our way home. This was after a full day of school and an additional 1.5 hours of speech therapy. 

For my son who is autistic, a full 6 hours of school and the speech therapy on top of it pretty much takes everything he has. But I made the decision to push him a little today and make the added stop on the way home. And he was working really hard to maintain during this stop. Yes, he was bouncing around more than most kids would. And yes, he was talking a little too loudly, and about the same thing over and over (wanting to eat the bagel he had selected). And I'm sorry he bumped into you, but he did stop his verbal stimming (look it up) and said "I sorry". So, I honestly think he did a great job. A definite win. 

I realize that you didn't understand. Some times I think it's easier when he has a really bad day. At least then it is obvious to most people that he has special needs and is not just misbehaving. But on the good days, when he could almost "pass" his challenges are not as obvious. What looks like a typical kid misbehaving and acting spoiled is actually a child with challenges working really hard to mitigate them. At a time when he deserves praise and acknowledgement, you are judging and condemning him. And me, but I don't really care about me. I've grown pretty thick skin.

So yes, you heard me right as we were walking out of the store. I did tell my son that he did a great job. That I was very proud of him for doing such a good job in the store. I saw you turn around and give me that "look".  Was it disapproval, disbelief, disdain? I'm not sure but it definitely wasn't a look of encouragement or understanding, that I know for sure.

I wasn't sure how to respond to your look. I honestly don't encounter that look very often. I'm grateful that we most often encounter understanding, encouragement, and accommodations. So your attitude, your look, took me a little by surprise. Not knowing how to react, I simply smiled at you and guided my son in the other direction while he happily munched on his bagel.

I realize the world is full of uneducated, judgmental people. And I simply do not have time to education all of them. My priority is my son. But I would like to ask of you just one simple thing. Be careful when you judge what you see. Things are not always as they appear. Sometimes a smile of encouragement might be more helpful than a judgmental sneer. A little kindness goes a long way. Just a thought. It might make some mama's day just a little bit brighter.

Signed,
One proud mama of her special boy