He Knows

It's 4:30 in the morning. And I am not asleep. I've been awake since 2:30 just laying in bed. This is not good. I need to sleep. I cannot be an effective mama without adequate rest. Not to mention that I may never get over this viral crud that is now in week number three. Regardless, my body is wide awake, my brain won't stop. Perhaps writing will help clear my head.

It's been a tough transition into fall. There is nothing new about this, we go through this every year. But often times, in the midst of the hard, there is awesomeness. A little beacon of light. This year it came at The Boy's IEP meeting.

For the first time this year, we had The Boy attend his IEP meeting. This is something I've been thinking about for the past couple of years. These meetings are for and about him. What he needs, how we can all help him become the best possible version of himself. Who better to tell us than him? 

So I approached his teacher (MB) with the idea. And she was completely on board. We devised a plan that we thought would work. 

The Boy is not capable of attending a 1-2 hour long meeting hammering out the nitty gritty of his goals for the year, how they will be measured, how they will be reported, what accommodations and supports will be in place for each one, how much speech therapy, occupational therapy, social skills training he receives each week, when he will be in his GenEd vs SpEd classes etc, etc, etc. But we did want to introduce him to the process, let him know that this entire team of people (10 in all) are here for him. To help him and encourage him and work with him to optimize his growth and development.

But, more importantly, we wanted him to learn that his input was valuable and that we wanted to hear it. These are the seeds of self advocacy. 

So we decided that he would attend the first part of the meeting. He would listen as we went around the table, each of us talking about the strengths we see in him, what we enjoy most about him. And then we would begin by asking him what are his 3 favorite things at school, what is he good at. Then asking what is hard for him. The plan was for him to be in the meeting for about 15 minutes.

I wasn't sure how this would go. Meetings are not really his thing. And with his language skills...well sometimes he answers a question and sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes his answer has nothing to do with the question. Language is a huge challenge for him. 

The night before the meeting we told him about it and that MB would ask him these questions. We didn't get much of a response about the questions, he just kept talking about going to a meeting. I had no idea what to expect the next afternoon.

At 3:30 the next day we sat around a kid size table in kid size chairs, introduced ourselves to the new comers, and talked about his strengths; there are many. He appeared to not be listening, but I know better. Then MB asked him what was easy for him at school, what were his 3 favorite things. 

He immediately answered "PE!" 

Pause. 

"And recess." 

Much longer pause while thankfully everyone waited silently. 

"And um, um ... and um ... LUNCH!"

And everyone chuckled just a little. Because yes, these ARE the areas where he does not struggle, or struggles the least. And, what 9 year old boy doesn't love lunch and recess? We were perhaps looking for more academic answers, but his answers were very true to him. And on topic.

MB then asked him what was difficult for him, what was hard for him to do. I'll be honest, I wasn't sure we were going to get an answer here. And if we did, I thought for sure it would be writing, or worksheets, or the generic "school work." Because even though he is making progress in these areas, it IS difficult and arduous for him. He tells me over and over when we do homework that he can't do it, it's too hard. This is what I expected.

But here is what he said: "real-a-loud and closing". 

Read-a-loud 

Closing

Activities where he is not actively working, but where he has to sit still and quiet, listening. And he didn't just say read-a-loud and closing. He also said "I'm not good at it".

Wow. Just, wow. I mean...wow!

That one answer told me that he is so much more self aware than any of us have given him credit for. 

That boy is what my mom would call a "wiggle worm." (Is that really a term or just my mom?) I don't know if it's due to the ADHD or the autism or just being a boy, but he is constant motion.  And he talks incessantly. The only time he is still and quiet at home is when he is asleep. That is it. Even laying in bed trying to go to sleep he is moving all over the bed and talking to himself. Out loud. When he watches a movie he is acting it out at the same time. He is incapable of being still and quiet.

Read-a-loud and closing. I'm not good at it.

He knows. He knows where his strengths and weaknesses are. He may not be able to articulate I can't sit still and quiet, it's impossible for me. But he can say he's not good at read-a-loud and closing. He's telling us the same thing the only way he can.

As an outsider watching this boy run and jump and tumble through his days, it would appear that he is unaware of almost everything. But I know better. I see it in his eyes. That boy misses nothing. He sees everything and he hears everything. It is all going into that amazing brain of his. And it is all being stored there. And when the time is right, it will come out. 

Read-a-loud and closing. I'm not good at it.

Had anyone ever asked him before what was hardest about school? He's now telling us it's having to sit still and quiet. It not only makes read-a-loud and closing hard, but also schoolwork. When he can't move and be big, when it takes all his energy and mental capacity to sit still in a chair, there is not much left over to concentrate on reading or worksheets. His answer says so much more than just read-a-loud and closing.

He knows. He is telling us. We need to make sure we are listening.