We Survived...I Think

I don't know about anyone else, but I am ready to be done with 2014 and start fresh and new with 2015. I hate to curse myself by saying it out loud, but I think we just may have survived it. It has been a rough year, especially the fall/early winter.

Bambam has been just awful since September. I know that I'm not supposed to admit that and say it out loud, but there it is. He has tried my patience and worn out every last one of my nerves. And I mean Every. Last. One. And I can't help thinking, if its been this bad for me then how much more immensely difficult has it been for him. Because I know behavior is communication, so all his miserably awful behavior was communicating to me how difficult its been for him. When in the midst of it, it is sometimes difficult to remember that. All I can see is a whiny, clingy, out of control child. And I have to remind myself to look for the reasons behind the behavior.

If I'm honest, it probably all started back in the fall of 2013 when Miracle Boy left for college. This was a huge change for Bambam, "Brother" was gone. Change is difficult for Bambam. He asked daily, sometimes hourly, where's Brother? When Brother home? I see Brother? He missed him terribly. And then Brother came home in November. Just to leave again in February, and this time he hasn't returned home. At least not to live. He visits occasionally, but he no longer lives at home. It is a new normal, for everyone.

Then, 2 weeks after school started in September, we moved Bambam to a new school. Everything he'd known about school for the past 3 years, gone. A whole new school, new building, new teachers, new aids, new SLP, new OT, new PT, new peers both special needs and typically developing. Everything was new. Have I mentioned that change is really hard for him? There were many anxious mornings, but we were muddling through. 

Then the days started getting shorter and the time changed. Talk to any autism parent, we HATE the time change. It totally messes with our kids. Bambam has an incredible internal clock. Since he was a tiny infant you could set your watch by when he woke, slept, ate, etc. Try telling a kid like that, with limited verbal communication skills and no time telling skills, they have to change all of their internal times by an hour overnight. To say it totally messes him up is an understatement. And we started having more anxiety and some sleepless nights and some new fears.

Then the illnesses started. I'm not sure what it was, perhaps a new school means a new germ pool (are they school specific?). But my kid who has always been very healthy with rarely even a sniffle started to come down with one thing after another. Sinus infection, noro virus, ear infection, noro virus again (lucky us), another ear infection. It seemed like he was rarely healthy. And the clingyness began. He wouldn't let me out of his sight. All of his whiny, clingy, miserable little self constantly around me.

Then, The Quiet One moved out (and into Miracle Boy's apartment, but that is another post) mid-October. And all of a sudden, Bambam was alone at home, no brothers. I did mention change is really, really, really hard for him, right? I think this year has had the perfect storm of changes for Bambam. He was beside himself, inconsolable. At times he would just start crying, no obvious reason.

By the end of October he was sleeping maybe 3 or 4 hours a night, if that. He had become fearful of the dark, any noise he couldn't "see", being separated from me, being in his own bed or even his own room, wasn't eating, had several accidents at school... The list could go on and on. He actually cried when I put him on the school bus, clinging to me. He's never cried on the school bus, he loves it. We were almost back to the days of his toddler or preschool years where he thought he was my appendage. Seriously, he never wandered more than 18 inches from me, followed me from room to room, sat outside the bathroom door talking to me the whole time (mom, you there? you OK? almost done? mom?). If I did have to leave in the evening for any reason, he cried the whole time I was gone. I'm sure that made Mr. Fixit feel wonderful. In a word, it was dreadful. 

And just for good measure, at the end of the year we throw in the holidays. All the decorations in the house changed, a tree in the house, visitors in and out all the time, going to visit relatives constantly, different food and treats, and no school for 2 weeks. The holidays are difficult in a good year. And this was not a good year. This year they were nearly impossible. We never did decorate our tree. Mr. Fixit put lights on it the day we brought it home and that was it. We had a naked lit tree. That fell over 3 days before Christmas. Breaking the lights. It seemed like a fitting punctuation mark to our year. 

But I am now putting that all behind us. With the start of the New Year Bambam is finally healthy, back to running gleefully to the school bus and eating us out of house and home. These are good signs. Here's hoping for a great 2015!