In our town, we have a couple of thoroughfares that are heavily used. These 4 lane roads with 35 mph posted speeds (but everyone goes 40 or even 45) are in mostly commercial/business areas although there is some multi family housing in the area. As you can imagine, crossing the street as a pedestrian might be challenging at best, darn near impossible at worst. Until our city installed pedestrian crossings. These are a new addition, I think we have 5 or 6 of them now. They have greatly improved pedestrian safety. But not everyone is pleased with them as they slow the progress of the traffic.
Yesterday as I was driving home from work, I was stopped at one of the pedestrian crossings with a car next to me also waiting. As I watched the person crossing the street, I recognized him as a Special Olympics participant. He has basketball practice at the same time as The Boy. He always says hi to The Boy and me when we see him. Clearly there is some Adult DD housing somewhere in the area as more often than not I recognize the people crossing the street as Special Olympics participants.
This particular person, we'll call him Troy, has some ambulatory issues. So he moves a little slower than the average Joe. (Whoever wanted to be average anyway) As he was making his way in front of the car beside me, the driver honked and made gestures for Troy to hurry along. And my heart broke just a little. I tried to hide it as I smiled and waved at Troy, hoping he would think I was the one that honked. He smiled and waved back, yelling "Hi (The Boy's) mom". But I don't think he was fooled. Not for a minute. And my heart broke a little bit more.
In that instance what I saw was my boy in 15 or 20 years. I see him doing his best to maneuver his way through this world that simply was not made for him. I see him taking care of himself, following the rules, happy with his life and in his world. I see him proudly walking back home from the nearby store with a snack paid for with his own earnings. And then I see some jack@$$ being impatient and unkind. Yelling at "the retard" to hurry up. Honestly, I go from a broken heart to my blood boiling in about 0.6 seconds.
Sometime I want to yell from the rooftops "What is wrong with people?!?!" And I don't mean the ones with developmental disabilities. I mean all the people who are so impatient and unkind. The ones who think those extra 10 or 20 seconds affected their life. Really? What did it actually cost you to wait? Most likely nothing. But I can tell you what it cost the Troy's of the world when you treat them that way.
It costs them their dignity. It costs them their self respect. It costs them their confidence. It costs them their ability to go out into this world which is just as much theirs as it is yours. It eventually costs them the ability to work, socialize, live even semi independently. Because if every time you venture out into the world you are treated like you don't belong, like you aren't good enough; well eventually you believe it. And then you quit trying.
How hard is it to just be kind. Patience doesn't cost a thing. But it can sure make another person's life a whole lot more manageable, and dare I say, even better.
As Ellen says when she ends her show every day "Be kind to one another." Please.
My Side of Typical
Showing posts with label respect. Show all posts
Showing posts with label respect. Show all posts
Thursday, July 23, 2015
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
They Will Be OK
I worry. I'm a mom. Its what we do. And I'm really good at it. I worry all the time. About all my kids. Am I doing enough? Am I doing it the right way? Am I teaching them what they need to know? Helping them to reach their full potential? And the dreaded Am I yelling too much?
I try really hard to be a patient mom. Really I do. But I'm human. And I fail. All the time. I yell way more than I'd like to admit. At all my kids. But when I yell at The Boy, it somehow feels worse. Most of the time he is not acting out to be defiant. His mind and body work differently, and he often can't help what he's doing. I know that. But it can still be frustrating. And sometimes I loose it and yell. Not necessarily at him, but yelling just the same. Then I feel like a despicable human being wanting to crawl away and hide. I worry about the effect the yelling may have on him.
I'm sharing this because I'm hoping I'm not the only one out there who sometimes looses control and yells. And because I want to share that I think our kids are going to be OK in spite of us. The reason I think they are going to be OK is in part due to an interaction I had at the grocery store yesterday.
The Boy has been struggling with severe anxiety for a couple of weeks. And I mean SEVERE ANXIETY. If I leave the house without him, even if he's staying with Mr. Fixit, he cries the whole time I'm gone. It is not fun. We've all been feeling the pressure from his anxiety. So, yesterday I needed to go grocery shopping. I gave The Boy the choice of staying home and playing outside with daddy, or going with me. He insisted on going with me. Really.
He was great during our shopping, a very good listener and helpful. While waiting in line at the cash register behind The Cat Lady (I'm not kidding, she had 2 carts FULL of cat food both dry and canned, but I digress) he saw some big stuffed animals about 20 feet away. He wanted to go see them but I had to stay in line waiting our turn. I told him he could go look at them by himself, look with his eyes only not his hands, no touching. He looked over at them, looked at me, looked at them again and then with a pained expression he said "Not today, maybe tomorrow". With his anxiety on high alert, it was just too much for him to walk over there by himself. I encouraged him again, but didn't push it.
He eventually ventured to the front of the line where The Cat Lady was bagging her groceries and had a conversation with her. I have no idea what they talked about, I couldn't hear from where I was standing. I've taken the stance that if everyone looks happy and it doesn't appear that he is bothering the other person, I let them figure things out on their own. People generally respond positively to The Boy, so I didn't really think much of it. I paid for my groceries and moved to the front to bag my groceries.
The Cat Lady stopped me with a touch to my arm. She very sweetly said "I want to commend you on how you interact with your son with love and respect." I was a taken aback, and momentarily at a loss for words. I mean, we haven't exactly been having a rosy time lately and I've lost my patience more than once in the last few weeks. I stumbled over a few words and said something about trying, but not always succeeding. Her response was "Well, you must succeed more often then you realize because your son also responds to you with love and respect. He learned that somewhere." And then she smiled, winked and moved on.
It was exactly what I needed to hear. It may be exactly what you need to hear too. In spite of our humanness, our short comings, our failures, I believe our kids will be OK.
I try really hard to be a patient mom. Really I do. But I'm human. And I fail. All the time. I yell way more than I'd like to admit. At all my kids. But when I yell at The Boy, it somehow feels worse. Most of the time he is not acting out to be defiant. His mind and body work differently, and he often can't help what he's doing. I know that. But it can still be frustrating. And sometimes I loose it and yell. Not necessarily at him, but yelling just the same. Then I feel like a despicable human being wanting to crawl away and hide. I worry about the effect the yelling may have on him.
I'm sharing this because I'm hoping I'm not the only one out there who sometimes looses control and yells. And because I want to share that I think our kids are going to be OK in spite of us. The reason I think they are going to be OK is in part due to an interaction I had at the grocery store yesterday.
The Boy has been struggling with severe anxiety for a couple of weeks. And I mean SEVERE ANXIETY. If I leave the house without him, even if he's staying with Mr. Fixit, he cries the whole time I'm gone. It is not fun. We've all been feeling the pressure from his anxiety. So, yesterday I needed to go grocery shopping. I gave The Boy the choice of staying home and playing outside with daddy, or going with me. He insisted on going with me. Really.
He was great during our shopping, a very good listener and helpful. While waiting in line at the cash register behind The Cat Lady (I'm not kidding, she had 2 carts FULL of cat food both dry and canned, but I digress) he saw some big stuffed animals about 20 feet away. He wanted to go see them but I had to stay in line waiting our turn. I told him he could go look at them by himself, look with his eyes only not his hands, no touching. He looked over at them, looked at me, looked at them again and then with a pained expression he said "Not today, maybe tomorrow". With his anxiety on high alert, it was just too much for him to walk over there by himself. I encouraged him again, but didn't push it.
He eventually ventured to the front of the line where The Cat Lady was bagging her groceries and had a conversation with her. I have no idea what they talked about, I couldn't hear from where I was standing. I've taken the stance that if everyone looks happy and it doesn't appear that he is bothering the other person, I let them figure things out on their own. People generally respond positively to The Boy, so I didn't really think much of it. I paid for my groceries and moved to the front to bag my groceries.
The Cat Lady stopped me with a touch to my arm. She very sweetly said "I want to commend you on how you interact with your son with love and respect." I was a taken aback, and momentarily at a loss for words. I mean, we haven't exactly been having a rosy time lately and I've lost my patience more than once in the last few weeks. I stumbled over a few words and said something about trying, but not always succeeding. Her response was "Well, you must succeed more often then you realize because your son also responds to you with love and respect. He learned that somewhere." And then she smiled, winked and moved on.
It was exactly what I needed to hear. It may be exactly what you need to hear too. In spite of our humanness, our short comings, our failures, I believe our kids will be OK.
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